culture

It's one of the things that most annoys me about this country. The right and the left are the same -- maybe not "self hating", but "haters" just the same. Oh, some say, "No, we don't hate anyone," but their actions betray them. And me, am I a hater, too? I guess so. I hate listening to people talk about how such and such a thing isn't "how we do it here" as an excuse not to improve themselves or how there "is no point" in political activism because politics is controlled by the greedy few and there's nothing you can do about it.

So much of my experience of this country is about helplessness and hopelessness and anger. It bleeds into the way people push onto the bus or drive their cars on the highway.

And then someone does something so sweet, so good. And that becomes my picture of "real Israelis". The juice of this country, the honey of it, is like the little boy I told on Friday night about my son. "He doesn't want to play with the other kids because he doesn't speak Hebrew well and he's afraid that you guys won't like him because of it," I explained. The little boy said, "Playing with kids who don't speak Hebrew is great! We can use our imaginations even more!" and then he went off to gather all the other kids at the party and bring them over to my son, introduce everyone and start a game that didn't require great linguistic skills. That's the sweetness of this land, and sometimes it feels rare, but it is here.

I'm brought to mind of a advertising campaign a little while back. I don't even remember the product -- maybe it was cell phone service, but I'm not sure. What I remember was that it was about IDF soldiers and Palestinians on opposite sides of the security wall. A soccer ball comes over the wall from the Palestinian side. A soldier kicks it back. A friendly game ensues, of the ball passing back and forth. The Israeli left had a cow over that. "OMG!!! How cynical can this company be?! Don't they know how evil Israel is? How evil the IDF is? How evil the wall is???!!!!" Some people posted videos of what really happens when a ball goes over the fence by accident. It's not pretty or idyllic, let's just put it that way. I didn't say anything at the time, but all I could think is, "What the hell is YOUR problem? Don't you understand that this is wishful thinking?"

Look, obviously, it wouldn't be safe to have a game like that. Are you kidding? The ball could be a bomb, for heavens sake! That's not hatred of Palestinians speaking, it's fear of the sick and twisted things that people do in conflict. But, there are stories of people reaching beyond their wars and their battles, moments of peace in the midst of terror, and those stories give hope. There's that story about the two sides in a battle in WW2 (or was it WW1) who got out of their trenches on Christmas and celebrated together for just one night. The next day they were back in their trenches and shooting each other again. Such hope. Such tragedy. It reminds us of the stupidity of our violence, and the possibilities for another path.

But this post isn't about just that one commercial. It's about the attitude that seems to be pervasive here towards hope: You shouldn't have too much of it, or else you are a stupid fool. Optimism is cause for ridicule. Wishful thinking is not a way of envisioning a better option but just a waste of time. If you don't build walls around your heart, grow spikes on your skin then you aren't a REAL Israeli, and you are nothing but a freier.

A freier is worse than a sucker. A freier volunteers for things. A freier gives too much money to charity. A freier lets other people walk all over them and use them. A freier is a loser, short and simple.

But that image is totally messed up. Even my most cynical friends volunteer to help out someone or something. Even my most hardened acquaintances give money to help someone in need or give money to support some cause that they believe in. Even the most Israeli of Israelis have their soft moments when they let down their guard and are soft. That's not being a freier. Not at all. That's being human.

In case you are wondering what prompted this rant, I'd like to send you off to someone else's essay on Israeli hardness and what it is to be a hero here. I think that they hit it right on the head. A true hero IS a freier and that's a damned good thing to be.

So stuff all that pretension to strength and prickliness and just breathe a bit. Be the goodness you want to see in the world, and don't worry about the repercussions. Dream a little about what you wish the world were like, and don't be afraid of the fact that we aren't there now. It's OK. This life is a journey, not a destination, so be soft and walk toward that world you want to live in one sweet and foolish action at a time.